I hadn't really thought about how much I rely on my camera to capture feelings and memories until after I'd lost it. When I was younger (before the digital revolution), photography was still a hobby, but a more expensive one, and therefore reserved for vacations and events. Then, I "saw" things and retreated to my journals.
I don't know when photos replaced words as my life-markers, but, in the absence of Happy Pink Camera, I will attempt to return to words to describe my experiences over the last few weeks, taking a cue from a friend who loves music that "sounds like air-conditioning smells":
What I've SEEN:
Affliction. Sadness and relief combined in the days leading up to and after my grandmother's death. It is the blurry wrinkled edge of an old photo. Its color is butter.
Ability. On my students' faces, confusion at times, but also smiles of a "Eureka!" nature. It is moments when completion sneaks up on you. Its color is pomegranate.
Awakening. Green trees and sprouting shoots, snows of pollen, and wispy clouds. Its color is sunrise and mangoes.
Achievement. As I slowly sift through mountains of possessions once thought priceless, I find more and more that *this cherished _____* morphs into *thing that keeps me from doing _____* It is the hiccups that keep you trying more and more ridiculous cures until they magically vanish. Its color is lime peels.
Artistry. Though I haven't had much creative time the last couple of weeks, when I have found time, I have pushed myself to try new things. It is a twitch behind your eye at the most perfect and inconvenient time. It's color is magnetic.
Anticipation! This already amazing year still has so much in store for me! It is melty ice cream in the sun and the sound of a loved voice. Its color is caribbean.